Talking to Kids About Open Adoption

Basic Elements of Good Communication:


  • Listen with respect - Hear what is beyond the words • Position yourself at eye level and make eye contact
  • Pay attention to body language
  • Repeat actions and messages of empowerment
  • Allow for disagreement without triggering oppositional behavior
  • Find areas of agreement
  • Don't expect full buy-in
  • Keep at it - talking about adoption is not a "one-shot" deal


Communicating with a Young Child About Adoption:


  • Be comfortable yourself - the emotions will be more important than the words
  • Use a lifebook
  • Answer what is asked - don't tell the whole story in one sitting!


Communicating with School Age Children about Adoption:


  • Model a range of expressions for emotions
  • Feeling SAD → makes me feel MAD → which leads to acting BAD
  • Use stories, movies, puppet play to "practice" and observe lots of emotions
  • Provide physical as well as verbal outlets for emotions
  • Communicating with Teens About Open Adoption
  • Talk often about family connections.
  • Present thoughts and ideas for them to consider in their media -i.e. music, movies.
  • Partialize the process to the point of acceptance.
  • Don't back away from the hard questions - i.e. sex
  • Expect relationships to change over time


Source: NYSCCC 2004 Conference Worshop Presentation by Sue Badeau, sbadeau@aol.com

Last modified: March 4, 2009